Awkward questions are funny. Hilarious, sometimes.
They are less funny when they happen to you.
They are even less funny when they happen to you in “real time,” a.k.a. real life, where you aren’t allowed one full week in which you painstakingly type out messages, scrap drafts, cobble together 3 sentences that sound almost civilized, and finally panic as you check your Sent Mail box right after you hit the send button.
You can probably guess who’s feeling slightly mortified at the moment.
To be fair, I’m a currently a certified patient in the Hospital of Awkward Social Circumstances. I can’t help it. My dad once wanted to ask a lady “how many months along” she was…Thank god I was curious and craned my neck for a glance of her first.
Yeah. Totally not preggers.
Genes. I blame genes.
Symptoms include laughing when things aren’t meant to be funny, going to the bathroom five times in an hour in order to avoid conversations at a party, and agonizing for hours in bed over whether or not you sounded too desperate when you were talking to your crush that afternoon.
Fortunately, my Socially Awkward Interaction of the Day (SAID) was neither meaningful nor particularly malignant in nature. I will probably not have to change my name after this encounter, although I do have an alias in case the need ever arises (it’s Rosie-Posie Foxburr of Loamsdown, in case you’re interested–courtesy of this fantastic Hobbit name generator!).
The telephone conversation:
Private number calls.
Caller: Hi. May I speak to <something like my name, sort of>.
Me: <trying to be all sly and loop-holey> There’s nobody here by that name…
Caller: I’m sorry, I said that wrong. Is Ala there?
Me: Who’s calling?
Caller: I’m calling from the National something-or-other-that-you-probably-wouldn’t-care-about-anyway. (Okay, she didn’t actually say that–but it’s true.)
Caller: Is there?
Me: <slightly flustered as I try to rack my brains for a polite way to end this conversation> Wait. No. Um.
Caller: Am I speaking to Ala?
Me: Er, no, I don’t think so, there’s not–
Caller: You don’t think so? You’re not sure whether or not I’m speaking to Ala?
Me: No, that is, I’m–
Caller: Is this Ala or not?
Me: Nothere’snobodyhereIdon’tknownevermindBYE. <Hangs up>
Queen of awesome conversations? Not really.
Going to obsess over how awkward moments like these define my social life and explain my lack of meaningful, lasting connections with other people?
Maybe. Probably. Okay, yes. Definitely.
While I purport to go off and bang my head on the oven, I’m actually going to sneak in some of these cookie butter bad boys. You heard me. Cinnamon, white chocolate, and cookie butter-coated cereal. Guess being a social hermit has its benefits–now I don’t have to share with anyone.
Cookie Butter Bad Boys
(I was determined to make these a while ago when I first discovered Biscoff, but it was Laura’s post for Biscoff puppy chow that inspired me to actually try my own version of it. Thanks!)
- 3/4 cup white chocolate chips
- 1/4 cup cinnamon chips (you can also substitute peanut butter or white chocolate chips)
- 3/4 cup cookie butter, store-bought or homemade
- 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
- 2 to 2 1/2 cups rice or flake cereal, as needed (Note: I used Special K fruit ‘n yogurt because I love the cinnamon-y undertones, but any slightly sweet cereal will work!)
- 1 to 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar, as needed
- In a medium pot, combine all chocolate chips and cookie butter. Over medium-low heat, melt chocolate mixture, stirring constantly, until almost smooth. Remove from heat, add cinnamon, and stir frequently until mixture is completely smooth.
- Add cereal to mixture and gently stir in until completely coated. (Allow for generous coating–you won’t regret it!)
- Sprinkle 1 cup powdered sugar and toss cereal to coat. Add more powdered sugar as needed. Allow to cool, then serve these bad boys as a snack or delicious dessert your guests won’t want to miss!